Heartbeat
Let’s Redefine ‘Retirement’
It must be more than just leisure and fun, or else we’ll slide downhill
Given my desire to avoid retirement, I was lucky that after I ended my 50-year tenure with the sociology department at the University of Washington, I was able to continue to be employed as a relationship expert on Married at First Sight, a reality television show on the Lifetime television network. It cushioned my transition from being a…
Is Honesty the Best Policy in Relationships? Uh, Sometimes
All 'rules' have exceptions
I know that there is generally an ironclad sentiment that honesty is always best. But I would like to propose a reexamination of that “always” word. Because I think, no matter how much we all want to know the truth about everything, that the absolute truth is sometimes too brutal, and sometimes too destructive, to use or hear…
A New York State of Mind
The Big Apple is a feast for the senses
I love the Northwest, but there’s no place like New York City. Recently, I was there for some meetings. As I walked from one neighborhood to another, taking in the intellectual stimulation and people-watching, I understood the importance of adopting a New York State of Mind, at least occasionally. Let me explain. To begin, all…
The Therapy Revolution
Changing your ability to love, one session at a time
To my mind, some form of counseling or therapy is helpful in preparation for meeting someone, in maintenance of a relationship, in repair when relationships stall or shatter, and in support when you have to start the whole dance over again.
Photo by Glasshouse Images/Getty
Gender-Bending in the Wilderness
Intense outdoor trip defied conventions
I had confidence in the team, even though this river had rapids that were rated as Class III and IV (translation: a little hair-raising and you get really wet), but I had taken a similar journey with the same company more than 15 years ago, so I knew there was going to be an emphasis on safety, and it would be exciting and well-executed. That said, I was nervous, though I wasn’t sure that my back and bladder were going to be as accommodating as they had been some years ago.
Aging Well Really Is The Best Revenge
We can all learn something from the late Tina Turner
I’m bothered by the term “aging gracefully,” whatever that means. I think a better phrase is “aging dynamically,” being your vital, wisest self, a carefully-curated product of living and learning over many years. I know. I am not trying to be Sally Sunshine here and overlook the harsher aspects of being in the third and…
The Good News About Size
It's true: it really doesn't matter
Well, let’s suppose, just for a moment, that bigger is better. I say “just for a moment” because I don’t actually think there are any data to support the idea that bigger penises are more talented, satisfying or even more handsome. They are, however, culturally admired and many men, and some women, fetishize size and…
Heartbeat: When Hearts and Heads Collide
Perhaps everyone has heard the saying that goes something like “to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results is the definition of crazy.” We all smile knowingly, perhaps even smugly. Of course, that’s true. But we shouldn’t be so smug because if that’s the definition of crazy, we are all…
Heartbeat: Why Your Spouse Should Be More like a Dog
We could all learn loyalty, love and understanding
As many of you know, I am considered a relationship expert, and from time to time, I like to write a column about the discoveries that keep happening as I listen in and give feedback to couples and singles about love. But for this column, I want to talk about what I think may be…
Heartbeat: Pay For What?
The invasion of the transactional body snatchers
Lest you think I am alerting you unnecessarily, let me reassure you that when I heard about this, I gasped. GASPED! But perhaps you will gasp, too, unless, of course, you knew this all along. What I am referring to is a new culture in dating that looks an awful lot like it’s turning female daters into,…
Heartbeat: Defrosting Seattle. It’s time to become more friendly.
The Seattle Freeze versus the Nashville Warm
So, this column is not so much about the Seattle Freeze, but the Nashville Warm. And how I came to be frozen and how I hope to melt. When I first came to Seattle, I realized that I had to cool down. I grew up in Chicago and went to school in the Midwest and…
Heartbeat: How Corvin Saved My Marriage
There are many ways to further your own happiness
Well, of course the headline is an overstatement, but really, this column is all about finding a way to cope with differences about things you love to do that are deeply satisfying to you but will not, or cannot, be shared with your partner. So how does Corvin fit in here? Corvin is this great…