|45SONICS0224||Handwritten note misfiled with documents for City of Seattle lawsuit over Sonics relocation. From Clayton Bennett to Seattle Symphony Director Gerard Schwarz: “While our brand spankin’ new OKC symphony hall sits empty, our wallets do not. Perhaps the Maestro and the Mrs. would like to see what $52 mil can buy you in OK. OK?”||5/10/2010||Seattle City
|77WAAGR0526||Confidential communiqué from Washington Wine Commission Executive Director Robin Pollard to French Wine Consulate (appellation d’origine contrôlée) Agent Pierre Vimonte. Pollard: “Oui to exchange of 10,000 pounds of certified French wine country terroir (dirt) in exchange for 10,000 barrels of superior Washington wine. Caveat: Do not put your labels on our vino.” [Note: Both parties involved deny involvement, but internal investigation has exposed repeated trips to chateaus in Côtes du Rhône and Bordeaux by Pollard with an extremely high number of checked bags.]||9/10/2010||Washington Department of Agriculture|
|46MAYOR0517||Internal memo from Mayor Mike McGinn to Chief of Staff Julie McCoy. “OK, the tunnel contractor’s in [for Alaskan Way Viaduct demo and tunnel]. Realistically, the thing’s gonna be way overdue (ka-ching for us when they miss deadlines!), so I think it’s prudent we go to Plan B: Insist on introducing the PW [prayer waiver] we talked about at dinner. All MVDs [motor vehicle drivers] will be required to sign a waiver releasing DOT from liability for damages in exchange for using DDR [double-decked roadway]. In the event of collapse (est. 2117), DOT can use plans/studies to imm. begin construction of tunnel, et al.”||08/16/2010||Office
|79BOEING0718||Transcript of confidential phone call between high-level Boeing executive (name redacted) and Airbus Chief Engineer Christian Favre. Subject: Joint operations for the troubled Dreamliner. Boeing Executive: “Come on Chris, stop calling it the Nightmare-liner. I’m looking for a little quid pro quo here if you want us to cut out the Chinese. All I’m saying is you guys agree to build a few sections. We’ll paint it here. Another thing on the down low: For future test flights, we’re looking for countries with less visible runways and airspace…. Oh, and do you have a good electrician we can borrow?”||10/13/2010||European
|07APPLSOFT1001||Transcript of phone call between Microsoft’s Bill Gates and Apple’s Steve Jobs. Subject: Future of web architecture. Gates: “Look, Ballmer’s an over-caffeinated nut. He’s just not going to admit the Mac software’s better.… Still, any chance you can loan a few of your guys to help us with Zune? On our end, we’ll help you trip Google.” Jobs: “I’m open to this, Billy, if ya back off copying our iPad and admit you stole the ‘Look & Feel’ in ’85.” Call dropped on Jobs’ iPhone.||06/03/2009||Federal Trade
|68COSTCO0322||Forwarded by a disgruntled now-former employee. From senior Costco executive to grocery, tires, wine, paper towel and carpet division heads. Subject: Downsizing. “Must we have 12 of everything? Am sick and tired of requesting a single staffer work on a task and being told the team package must include 11 additional members. Just once I would like a single response to a product inquiry rather than a jumbo pack of e-mails!”||11/21/2010||Department of Labor and Industries|
It’s impossible to pinpoint the moment at which the phrase “tech company” ceased to have meaning. It’s easy to detect that, wherever and whenever that point was, we’re well beyond it now.