Intellectual Adventures

“Nathan Myhrvold wants to shake up the marketplace for ideas. His mission and the activities of the company he heads, Intellectual Ventures, a secretive $5 billion investment firm that has scooped up 30,000 patents, inspire admiration and angst.”

— The New York Times

Patent No. 6804552: Killer Startup Generator

A method of articulating business models for startup companies involving the motion of a ball-point pen across a cocktail napkin. May also include polo shirts, the process of consuming several pints of fermented barley liquids, and frequent use of the words “actionable,” “end-to-end” and “inflection point.”

Patent No. 7346294: ATRV-260

An aero-terro-refueling transport capable of refueling fighter planes in mid-flight as well as ground-based vehicles in mid-traffic. May operate at altitudes ranging from 20 to 60,000 feet. May require adjustments in runway length at local gas stations and revisions to building height limits in urban environments. May include air-conditioned cab and/or mudflaps with figures of reclining naked girl or Yosemite Sam.

Patent No. 7392375: Personalized Medicine

Method of tailoring medical care to the patient’s genetic makeup, blood type, allergies, diet, cholesterol, chi balance, economic status, proximity to medical facilities, medical education level and tolerance for self-inflicted pain. May include gauze, razor blades and a bottle of Scotch.

Patent No. 7462057: Space Escalator

A method of conveying payloads of cargo and/or passengers into low Earth orbit at a gentle speed by means of a moving conveyor of articulated steps extending from sea level to an altitude of 150 miles at an inclination of 45 degrees. May include moving handrails and piped-in relaxing music at altitudes with sufficient atmosphere to carry sound.

Patent No. 7465735: Drugz2U

A drug delivery vehicle designed to supply the recipient with the optimum dose of a wide variety of medicinal or narcotic substances, whether taken orally, intravenously or nasally, paired with a mobile commerce solution. Vehicle consists of prominent chrome fixtures, leather seats, 100-decibel sound projection system, 24-inch rims and young man in figure-obscuring hoodie in the controller seat. May include personal defense weaponry.

Patent No. 7926864: Bionewsoid

A bioengineered organism designed for the delivery of news content to consumers by means of forcing a mixture of nitrogen, oxygen and carbon dioxide through a flexible pipe with vibrating valves to produce audible modulations in frequency and amplitude. It further shapes the expelled gases with an articulated labial-lingual-dental enunciating orifice. May include cap and Radio Flyer wagon as reputation enhancement technology.

Patent No. 7794729: TrialsRUs.com

A service to expedite the process of obtaining regulatory approval for pharmaceuticals by producing documentation of clinical trials supporting desired outcomes prior to or regardless of whether clinical trials complete all (or any) phases of study. May include wholesale/retail sales via an e-commerce engine and the hiring of postgraduates as “content creation partners.”  

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