Toward a More Civilized Incivility

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If you havent heard someone lament the rapid decline of civility, you havent been paying attention. Social commentators have been going on about how the next generation is less civil than the previous one since before people were using forks. In 1530, the Dutch priest and scholar Erasmus worried that society was rapidly sliding down the slippery slopeand talk radio hadnt even been invented yet! (In those days, Rush Limbaugh was simply the Latin term for a swollen pimple.)

Apparently having seen and heard plenty from the medieval equivalent of online and over-the-air blowhards, Erasmus wrote On Good Manners for Boys. He declared: A polite boy should not provoke a quarrel with anyone, not even with his equals. … He should not set himself above anyone … or mock the character and customs of any people … or spread fresh rumors, or damage anyones reputation, or hold a natural disability as a matter of reproach to anyone.

Erasmus lost that round. The 24-hour news cycle, the internet and social media have made argument the new national pastime and incivility the coin of the realm. People who write to bloggers and news sites are the worst offenders, hiding behind anonymity to spew hateful invective. Trouble is, most people who enjoy calling other people names are about as imaginative as a doorstop. Clearly, they never read Erasmus. Or Susan Kelz Sperling.

Sperling is the author of one of my favorite books, Poplollies & Bellibones: A Celebration of Lost Words. (A poplolly is a little darling, from the French poupelet; a bellibone is a pretty girl, from the French belle et bonne.) Oddly, the book has more negative terms than positive, which ought to make it an indispensable companion for those compleat social media mavens looking for good zingers that wont get them banned from the next chat room.

The secret lies in the relative obscurity of the terms. Each is so old that it has fallen out of everyday use. Imagine the exploding bloggerheads and frothing chat hosts when you call someone a mobard and they all run wildly for their dictionaries. A mobard is a boorish clown.

Need to call someone a coward? Try using whiteliver. Hoddypeak is a good all-purpose word for blockhead. Theres also rutterkin (a swaggering bully), fopdoodle (a simpleton) and fonkin (a little fool), which astonishingly is not derived from the Vern Fonk Insurance commercials.

Read on. Perhaps youll find something useful in this list, should you wish to get creative the next time youre in an insulting mood (or attending a really bad staff meeting).

Afterling: inferior

Blob-tale: gossip

Bedswerver: adulterer

Breedbate: mischief maker

Bronstrops: prostitute

Dilling: runt of the litter

Featherhead: lightweight

Gundygut: glutton

Heanling: wretched person

Hoodpick: miser

Hufty-tufty: braggart

Killbuck: fierce-looking fellow

Killcow: bully

Lickspigot: one who fawns

Magsman: swindler

Mumper: freeloader

Tenterbelly: another glutton

Tirliry-puffkin: flighty woman

Wind sucker: covetous person

There you have it. If were going to continue being uncivil, the least we can do is add innovation to the endeavor. But dont get too expressive in the process. Gesticulating with the hands, Erasmus warns, is the sign of an unsound mind.

And theres probably a word for that.

JOHN LEVESQUE is the managing editor of Seattle Business magazine.