Final Analysis: Forceful Marketing

Since the premiere of Star Wars: The Force Awakens in mid-December, social media sites have been awash in the kind of piggyback promotion that accompanies any pop-culture phenomenon.

The savvy marketer, knowing that a Star Wars connection confers instantaneous hotness and coolness, is on it like a baggy robe on a skinny Sith. Drawing inspiration from the latest installment in the Star Wars movie franchise or any of the previous six, for that matter is the kind of cutting-edge creativity you might otherwise see only in a Beacon Plumbing commercial.

We tried to survey advertising experts throughout the Puget Sound region to learn what they expected to see in the way of Star Wars ripoff, er, tribute marketing this year, but this column was being written the day before Christmas and none of them returned our calls. So the following is our best guess of the marketing tie-ins to Star Wars that might surface locally and abroad.

The Farce Awakens. Upon the successful restarting of Bertha, the excavation of a tunnel to replace the Alaskan Way viaduct generates a spate of new comedies at theaters around Seattle.

The Bourse Awakens. The Paris securities exchange goes back to its old name after discovering that Euronext, which it has been using since 2000, sounds a lot like something a urologist might prescribe for people watching The CBS Evening News.

The Remorse Awakens. Feeling a little sheepish about the billions in tax breaks it has coerced out of Washington lawmakers over the years, the Boeing Company decides to give the state Legislature a previously owned 737 that it can use for parties, junkets and fact-finding missions to South Carolina.

The Gorse Awakens. Enraged that scotch broom is far more prevalent in the Puget Sound region, a consortium of noxious-weed spreaders mounts an advertising campaign to make Ulex europaeus the official invasive plant of Washington state.

The Course Awakens. Slightly miffed at the negative publicity its greens received during the U.S. Open last summer, Chambers Bay announces it will immediately transition from a links-style venue into the worlds longest putt-putt golf attraction and alternative-energy installation, with a windmill on every hole.

The Norse Awakens. Seattles Ballard neighborhood harks back to its Scandinavian past by importing a surly Norwegian to roam the Ballard Farmers Market and hurl epithets at any hipster with a baby carriage thats bigger than Rhode Island or a dog thats smaller than Donald Trumps mind.

The Outsource Awakens. Flummoxed by requirements that they boost their employees wages to at least $15 an hour, restaurateurs in Seattle decide to contract out their food-prep operations to kitchens in Shoreline, Tukwila and Bellevue and deliver meals via Uber.

The Porch Awakens. Amazon unveils a new technology allowing Amazon Prime subscribers to install secure docking portals at their front doors so Amazon delivery drones can couple and uncouple in relative privacy, away from the prying eyes of snoopy neighbors.

John Levesque is the managing editor of Seattle Business magazine.

The Remorse Awakens. Feeling a little sheepish about the billions in tax breaks it has coerced out of Washington lawmakers over the years, the Boeing Company decides to give the state Legislature a previously owned 737 that it can use for parties, junkets and fact-finding missions to South Carolina.

The Gorse Awakens. Enraged that scotch broom is far more prevalent in the Puget Sound region, a consortium of noxious-weed spreaders mounts an advertising campaign to make Ulex europaeus the official invasive plant of Washington state.

The Course Awakens. Slightly miffed at the negative publicity its greens received during the U.S. Open last summer, Chambers Bay announces it will immediately transition from a links-style venue into the worlds longest putt-putt golf attraction and alternative-energy installation, with a windmill on every hole.

The Norse Awakens. Seattles Ballard neighborhood harks back to its Scandinavian past by importing a surly Norwegian to roam the Ballard Farmers Market and hurl epithets at any hipster with a baby carriage thats bigger than Rhode Island or a dog thats smaller than Donald Trumps mind.

The Outsource Awakens. Flummoxed by requirements that they boost their employees wages to at least $15 an hour, restaurateurs in Seattle decide to contract out their food-prep operations to kitchens in Shoreline, Tukwila and Bellevue and deliver meals via Uber.

The Porch Awakens. Amazon unveils a new technology allowing Amazon Prime subscribers to install secure docking portals at their front doors so Amazon delivery drones can couple and uncouple in relative privacy, away from the prying eyes of snoopy neighbors.

John Levesque is the managing editor of Seattle Business magazine.