Final Analysis: Be Careful, Bertha

Have you met Bertha, the worlds largest cordless drill? Shes on Twitter (@BerthaDigsSR99). Her cutter head has more teeth than a denture museum. She arrives soon to start digging under the city.

Some people think shes an allusion to Germanys Big Bertha, a menacing World War I howitzer. But Seattles Bertha is Japanese, and shes named for Bertha Knight Landes, who was elected to the Seattle City Council in 1922 and served a two-year term as mayor from 1926-1928, making her the first woman to lead a major American city.

Landes administration was famous for cleaning up Seattles scandalous government process. The new Bertha will clean up after herself as she tunnels under downtown Seattle to create a new path for State Route 99. And while there are probably more suitable names for a boring contrivanceSeattle Mariners comes to mindBertha it is. Heres to a successful, uneventful dig, which begins this year.

But this being Seattle, I have every expectation that Berthas two-mile trip will not be free of controversy. Even before her arrival, Bertha developed some trouble in the rotary drive that spins her cutter head. This forced the start date for tunneling to be pushed back from early June to sometime later in the summer.

Most of Berthas digging will occur deep under the cityas far as 214 feet below street levelso shes not likely to pulverize anything of archeological significance at those depths. But the tunnel entrancesjust west of the sports stadiums and near the northeast corner of Seattle Centerare, of necessity, at ground level. Thus, Bertha could be plowing through some significant Seattle history before and after she gets to optimum boring depth.

Imagine the tribal hue and cry if Bertha happens to break into Chief Seattles waterfront condo. Ten years ago, after spending nearly $90 million, the state abandoned construction of a dry dock in Port Angeles when crews unearthed remains of a Klallam Indian village. If Bertha destroys evidence that Seattles namesake had a vacation home on the tideflats, the tunnel is toast.

And what if she smashes a whiskey bottle left behind by the Denny Party? Historians tell us that the members of Seattles first white settlers were teetotalers. Finding out they might have enjoyed the occasional adult beverage would make them the first Seahawks tailgatersthe original 12th Man, as it wereand would further explain the goofy layout of some of Seattles streets. Not knowing makes us less complete.

Sadly, Bertha isnt sampling as she goes. That task has been taken care of by an advance team of archeology types who tried to make sure the tunneling wouldnt disturb anything the guardians of political correctness dont want disturbed. But, really, how can they know that Bertha wont plow right through the Mariners lost offensive mojo? It was misplaced somewhere near Safeco Field around the time Lou Piniella left town, and no one has seen it since.

You can bet the preservationists will be storming the barricades if they find out that Bertha tore right through a midden of cheap souvenirs from the 1962 Worlds Fair. If anything says Seattle, its Worlds Fair trinkets, and the thought of their being rendered even more useless would generate just the sort of headlines Bertha would prefer to avoid: boring.

JOHN LEVESQUE is the managing editor of Seattle Business magazine.